10 Tweets I Hate About You

10 Things I Tweet 350
It galls me to admit it, but I absolutely love Twitter – I love the variety and randomness of it, the occasional surprises and the nice (or otherwise) responses I get when folks like what I’m putting out there.

However, there’s a ton of things I hate about Twitter too, or to be more specific, there’s a ton of things that annoy me about other Twiterrers (is that a word?)

Therefore, for no other reason than me needing to get it off my chest, here are the 10 things that irritate me about other users of the above-mentioned social media platform:

1 The non-linked image
I always like to hear about new books, but there are way too many tweets that tell me everything I need to know except where I can get it. Yep, that’s right, there’s no link. So the only way I’m going to find it is to look it up on Google, which obviously is considerably more time-consuming than if I could’ve just clicked on the damn link. I mean, it might take me maybe ten or even fifteen whole seconds to find out I can get the book on Amazon…

Okay, so it’s not that time-consuming, but the point is, if you’re selling or advertising something, you have to include a link, otherwise a whole heap of folks aren’t even going to blink before moving on to the next pretty little picture.

2 The Follow-Me/Re-Tweet Me Spiel
I don’t take kindly to being told (or even asked nicely) to follow someone back or re-tweet whatever garbage they’re churning out, so I usually don’t. Let’s face it, when you meet someone for the first time, you don’t immediately hand over your phone number and demand theirs in return, do you? So, no, get lost.

3 Tell Me Again Just in Case I Missed it
If you’ve read any of my posts before, you’ll know that poor spelling/lousy grammar gets right up my nose, and Twitter’s no different. But a more noticeable irritation is when someone’s bio simply repeats itself:

Bob Smith
@bobsmith

Hi, I’m Bob Smith and I write under the author name of Bob Smith.

Come on, guys, it’s not rocket science (unless you’re Bob Smith the rocket scientist, of course).

4 Hashtag Smash
I realise hastags are useful, but nobody needs to use more than two or three in a single tweet. When I see messages like this, I don’t even bother reading:

#free #book #kindle #American #thriller #action #wartorn #soldierboy #killingspree #loadsabloodandguts #99c

5 Soon To Be…
Arrogance mixed with hope in a bio is never pretty, and this sort of thing isn’t likely to endear me to anyone:

Soon-to-be Bestselling Author
Soon-to-be Hollywood A-lister
Soon-to-be Porn Star
Soon-to-be Prime Minster
Soon-to-be Millionaire

6 Egg-Face
And what’s with those folks who don’t have a pic on their bio? You may as well say ‘ Hey, I’m a nonentity, so don’t follow me.’ Nobody likes the invisible man (except Mrs Invisible Man), so show us what you look like, egg-face.

7 Hey, Guess What?
I’m not interested in how many folk you just followed/un-followed, so keep your numbers to yourself, dude.

8 I Thank You
I understand it’s polite to thank people for certain things, but if anyone seriously imagines I’m going to spend hours of my time thanking people for retweeting something, they can thank again (see what I did there?)

9 I (Robot), Thank You
When my phone rings at home and I pick it up and it’s a recorded message, I hang up. For the same reason, those folk who feel the need to acknowledge when someone follows them, but leave the actual ‘thanking’ in the hands of an algorithm, just get my goat. And frankly, my goat’s getting sick of it.

10 Direct Auto-Message
Direct Shite, would be more accurate. If someone wants to get in touch, that’s great, but if it’s automated, the only thing I really want to do is send them an automated reply, thanking them for their automated message and looking forward to an automated reply in return…

If any (or all) of this makes me sound like a whinger, that’s tough. I’m human, and I like human contact. Done properly, with correct spelling and good, clean links and…

Okay, I’ll stop now.

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